How to Cook Grits:
For one serving: Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter. Add 5 Tbsp of Grits. Reduce to a simmer and allow Grits to soak up all the water. When a pencil stuck into the Grits stands alone, they're done. That's all there is to cooking Grits.

How to Make Red Eye Gravy:
Fry salt cured country ham in cast iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add coffee to the remaining drippings to form the Red Eye Gravy. Simmer for several minutes. Great on Grits and biscuits.

How to Eat Grits:
Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or red eye gravy. (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter.) The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter. In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your Grits. Be sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Never, ever substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they cause cancer, rotten teeth and impotence. Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grits to Salt is 10:1 Therefore for every 10 Grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)

Now begin eating your Grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your Grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork. The correct beverage to serve with Grits is coffee. Your Grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think it's Cream of Wheat.